- Visa fees
Visas are required for Canadian citizens traveling to some major countries, and the fees can really escalate. Countries like Brazil charges Canadians citizens, a “reciprocity fee” (which is basically a “you want to fuck with our citizens and charge them an arm and a leg to get in your country, then you can take the same thing back if you want to samba with our women”fee)- it’s the same amount that our government charges their citizens to visit the Canada — a hefty $160.You want to visit Turkey, then prepare to shell out an easy 45 euros for that sticker in your passport. I do have to give the Turks a compliment on how easy it was to pay your money. It’s the least they could do for raping my face and pocketbook. You want to go to India, then it will cost you $76 (including a service fee), while a visa for Russia costs $170.
- All Inclusive or Resort fees
This is the main reason I will never become a fan of those shitty all inclusives. I can’t think of a single traveller who thinks the fee is appropriate, since you’re paying for shit that should be included with your cost like pool towels, in-room coffee and actual frigging service.The best way to avoid these fees is to only stay at hotels where you have “status” or better yet, don’t frequent hotels that levy this on your pocketbook. The worst part are that these charges are non-negotiable, even if you aren’t planning on logging on to their internet or working out. If you’re in doubt, a simple internet search or calling the hotel can determine whether it’s a good deal or if considering a resort that’s a few dollars more (but with no resort fees) is a better option. For instance, check out this link to a Vegas hotel’s feesJust stay away from all inclusives … they’re the “Ass Cancer” of all travelling.
- Cruise gratuities
This is a lesson that I’ve learned first hand with our second Celebrity Cruise. Even when you find an amazing deal for a fantastic cruise, you will still get a bill before you reach the final port detailing the incidental charges you racked up while you were gliding through the islands. Not only do you get a detailed inventory of your life, what you ate and drank on the boat, but every transaction with a person comes with a service/gratuity charge. All the major cruise lines automatically bill cruisers between $10 and $12 in gratuities for each day of the cruise. This ass raping also doesn’t include the 15% automatically added to your bar tab.Thankfully, if you want to adjust your tip up or down, they’ll offer you the opportunity to adjust it at the beginning of the cruise – so that your room attendant can spit in your ice tea and shit in your toilet. Yes … the cruise line tells the service attendant who didn’t pay the gratuity … google it … it’s true!!
- Departure Taxes
Have you ever looked at the breakdown of the cost of an airline ticket? Mixed in with the Passenger Facility Charge and the Segment Tax is usually a departure tax for international flights. Many countries charge one, though its usually included in your airfare. If that is the case, you’ll be hit up with an exit fee at the airport on your way back out. Trinidad was notorious for having this dumb $100TT departure tax. It’s like something from Monopoly, when you land on Free Parking and get Monopoly money … I’m sure this is how the Airport Authority in Trinidad feels like every time someone paid that godawful fee.When you’re in the Caribbean or Central/Latin America … prepare to feel the pain on this one.
- Changing your money in the airport or a money lender
Just don’t do it. Use your ATM card in a bank machine to get cash or buy with your credit card. Yes you’re going to get hit with a 2.5% commission on your transaction from the bank, but you would have gotten hit with it anyway, when you were changing money in your own country.Always have some cash for local merchants, but never ever change money in an airport or with a local money lender … you’re going to get fucked … it’s an “international travel law” – the stupider the person, the money stupid fees they will pay. Don’t be stupid!
The original version of this article can be found at Budget Travel.com