So you’ve had a long day touring the Phi Phi islands, or Phang Nha or speedboating to Krabi. You’re sore and tired, possibly sunburnt and dehydrated … you now have two choices

  1. Be a sucker and call it a night, by hitting your hotel/hostel/resort/camp – ULTRA WEAK!!!
    OR
  2. Make a hardcore long night of things on Bangla Road, cause you put the “S” on Superman’s chest!

If you’ve met anything who has visited Phuket, then there is no introduction I think is needed for this place. Phuket’s nightlife is storied but Bangla Road is on a next level of things – it has something for everyone. By day, this place is completely boring and stale in most tourist ways, but it erupts at night after 9pm. It’s also the heaven to those ‘desperate old, ugly white men’ – like seriously, it can be a bit much to look, sometimes!

#1 : Get some food in your system:

First thing to do is to get off Beach Road. You have a million choices for dinner, but instead of having dinner at your hotel or at some touristy restaurant on Beach Road, I would walk one street parallel off Beach Road to Rat-U-Thit 200 Pee Road. This is the second busiest road in Phuket and runs parallel to the Beach Road for over two kilometres.

However, I really do hate the name of the road though for two reasons:

  1. Any blasted name with Rat will make me hate it. Period!!! Thai people, you want western people to do more – then don’t have vermin in street names, especially since western people think that Asian/South Asian people actually eat the fucking things.
  2. I have no idea how to say Rat-U-Thit 200 Pee Road with any sense of normalcy. These are my issues though, it might be something special in Thai … I could go research it, but why bother; I’m OK with my thought process on this one.

Anyway, for places to eat, I would just go with anyone of the street restaurants. The touts encouraging you to come in and eat, can be a bit annoying but a firm head shake is all one needs. At random, we picked a place where we saw Thais and tourists eating at : Champion Seafood

It can look a little sketchy to the Western eye – but don’t let that put you off. I find it’s best just to ignore certain things and go with the flow. Everything that you would expect in regular restaurant will be found on the street – just no A/C. If you’re too hot, ask for a cold napkin or a beer.

Once you’ve sat down, review the menu and ask the prices for their seafood. All seafood is sold by weight – so if you want to avoid any nasty surprises – do this first and everything should be smooth after that. Everything will be fresh or on ice having been caught that day.

As for the food … it really shouldn’t be anything but awesome. Our dinner included the following menu

  • Chicken Pad Thai (50 baht … yep)
  • Stir fired Morning Glory (100 baht)
  • Seafood fried rice (50 baht … seriously!)
  • 1/2 kilo of fresh prawns – good with chili garlic sauce (350 baht)
  • Seafood Tom Yum Goong (150 baht … absolutely phenomenal taste)
  • 2 large 1/2 litre Singhas (@120 baht)

For a grand total of 940 baht.

Pad Thai, Morning Glory and Tom Yum soup

I think the most innovative part of the meal, was the steaming Tom Yum Goong, in a bowl heat by coals in the center. This is the only way, this soup should ever be served.

After your meal … then you need to move on to the #2 thing to do.

5 notes for eating on Rat U Thit and being happy about it

  1. Don’t look too hard at your surroundings. If you’ve travelled, then you’ve seen worse.
  2. An average meal for 2, without large Singhas should be no more than 250 baht (8$ CDN)
  3. An excellent meal for 2 with large Singhas and 1/2 kilo of fresh prawns, will set you back 950 baht (30$ CDN)
  4. Do ask for the menu and assume nothing unless you see a menu and listed prices.
  5. You will get a bowl of lime water for washing hands – I recommend using your own hand sanitizer or wet naps.
 

So Tara and I check into our hotel and the pool and everything looks quite inviting at night.

The next morning, you know it’s gonna be an interesting day, when you finish swimming on the beach by your hotel and there is a baby elephant walking about his own business in your hotel.

After swimming and everything, Tara and I decided to go grab some lunch and for the most part walking along the street, it was fairly quiet and mundane, aside from the old European men walking around with their thai “girlfriends” (of course, everyone of them were younger than 18 or looked younger than 18 – you tell me if they were!) but we a bit hungry and decided to go for some lunch. It was again pretty standard fare except for the garlic prawns which cost about 5$ and looked like this

If were ordering these in Toronto, the price of the dish would have been somewhere in the 30-35$ range easily just for this one Garlic Prawn entree. Ah you have to love eating in Thailand for sure. The rest of the action started later on when we decided to go see a Ladyboy show.

Now don’t ask why we would do this, especially when I live at Church and Wellesley and I see enough of this sort of action for FREE, every weekend, but it’s something to do.

From the pictures, you can tell that was a different type of show, but it was entertaining and well worth the money, if you have never seen a ladyboy show. The one question, I always tried to figure out was, “Where did they hide their packages?”. Well we got the answer after the show. They use tape and tuck them back… and of course, they are Asian after all :) Nuff said!!!

Next, it was on to grab some drinks on the strip, so we grabbed a Tuk-Tuk and we were off!

Once we had taken off about 3 years of our lives in that Tuk-Tuk ride, we hit the strip with me in my Aussie rugby shirt! That shirt always gets attention, no matter what!!

Now the bar were just filled of tons of young girls looking for drinks, work and who knows what else. It was about 11pm and the place was just getting started. So of course, I’m trying not to make too much eye contact with the majority of girls, since I know they are working, but of course having Tara next to me was also a good Thai hooker/bar girl detterent!!

Now beer bars in Phuket are small open air bars with up to 8 girls working and they will do everything they can to lure customers to their bar. Trying to walk past a bar without your girlfriend or Tara, it isn’t uncommong to see a couple girls surrounding you to drag you into their bar and also grabbing your arm for something more private. It could be a lot of fun for any single guy but if you don’t want to drink at that bar you will have to fight your way out. 

After ordering a drink one of the girls will try to start a conversation. They usually begin with asking: What is your name? Where do you come from? Do you like Thailand? How long will you stay? Have you Thai girlfriend? If you answered no on the last question expect to get lot of attention, you will not be bored. And later she will be more than happy to accompany you to a disco and show you around in Phuket for so long you want. If you decide to take her with you, a bar fine has to be paid. The bar fine etiquette is far to detailed to go into here…..google is your friend here!

But somehow or the other while we were looking around for a drink, Tara and I ended up playing some drinking gambling games with some thai girls looking for a date.  The name of the game I was playing was called “Hit nail with Hammer” – get it! Quite subtle I tell you!!

The purpose of the game “hit nail with a hammer” is using the sharp end of the hammer to drive the nail deep into a wood block with the fewest tries.
Simple enough and of course on my first hit, I rammed the nail into the wood! Score 1 for me!

Now from the look of concentration on my face, you could tell I was not going to let any Thai hooker beat me in a game of “Hit the Nail”, but what one did not consider was that these girls have considerable practice in this game, since this is how they hustle “farang” out of their money for drinks. Thankfully, I wagered buying a round of drinks for the one girl who beat me.

In the end, all ended well and we made new little friends

Of course, you couldn’t help noticing the strange sights while walking around downtown Phuket; like the Thai dominatrix beating some hapless wanker… I couldn’t help but watch and laugh at the poor sod!

A good link to check out more on the bars would be http://phuket.baronbonk.com/tiger_plaza_bangla_road_patong_phuket.shtml

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