Drinking at Tres Monos, Buenos Aires (Tres Monos Review 2022)

Tres Monos reminds me of what a local dive bar used to look like in large cities. Hipster bartenders slinging cocktails without a care in the world, just making sure that the patrons were happy and lubricated.

• • No architectural digest entry for decor
  • No curated menu to pair with drinks

• No fear of displeasing the mixologists with your lack of knowledge on obscure fruit, bitters or tastes.

This is a simple place where they want to do a good job of getting you, your drink in a timely fashion. Super simple. If only other fancy bars in Buenos Aires would remember that. Even the menu is simple enough. That doesn’t mean this is all they have  … it’s a rough guide to getting you started here.

The decor is simple enough and welcoming … even to a non Spanish speaker like myself.

While I worked through the entire menu (sans anything with a dairy ingredient), it was super fun just watching drinks get made and the bartenders not giving a damn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However after drinking twice at this bar and having a good time drinking there and with good service, there is no way on this planet, that this bar should be in the top 50 bars in the world.

Tres Monos being in the top 50 bars in the world, means that my cellar in PEI which has more variety than this bar should be on the list!!! I always knew the list was some product managers wet dream to fuck bartenders and sell more product, but this has to be the proof!!!

I can think of 50 bars just across Canada that are better than this bar in service, variety of alcohol and mixologist skill. Go to this bar, if you’re in the mood for a fun bar. If you’re looking for a bar to Instagram from Buenos Aires and show people that you were there to hype your vacation pictures, then go to Frank’s or Milion!

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Update from April 1st, 2022

 

 

Update from April 3rd, 2022

Tres Monos pass #3 : With notes

• Execution of standard drinks from their set menu is fine and expected
• Bartenders choice #1:
  The bar actually has a fair decent and representative Scotch and Whisky selection. As usual, I started with the usual heavy ask of a cocktail with peaty scotch. They had a peat monster on supply, so we went with that. That being said … I knew the custom cocktail was going to be pretty garbage since the bartender didn’t ask questions of what I would like. The end result was heavily imbalanced . No garnish or floral spray to offset the imbalance .. It was pretty trash and I said so.
• Dirty martini:
  I asked for a dirty martini and the response was “ok”. A few minutes goes by and then she starts the construction and I had to stop her right there and explain basic martini construction to her. A martini is a very personal drink and to get it right for your customer, there should be 5 questions asked prior to construction
  1. Gin or Vodka?
  2. What kind? Based on #1, you choose what type of gin or vodka. (I chose Tanqueray 10, it’s balanced and excellent in a martini and doesn’t taste like floral garbage)
  3. How dry? : The effortlessly cool order is de rigeur among today’s drinkers, but what goes into making a ‘dry Martini’? First, ‘dry’ indicates that very little vermouth has been added to the cocktail, so the gin is the primary focus. The typical ratio is 6 parts gin to 1 part vermouth. However, order ‘extra dry’ and you’ll get the slightest splash of vermouth, or even just a glass-coating wash
  4. What type of vermouth? If not basic Martini Rosso
  5. How dirty? The dirty part comes from the olive brine and this is an easy test of a lazy or untrained bartender from an experienced one.
     Lazy bartenders will just try to spoon some shit oxidised brine directly from a bottle
     Experienced bartenders will ask you how many olives you like pressed after giving you a sample of the olive to taste. dirtiness from brine or olives
     Garnish should equal the number of pressed olives

Only after we went through the questions, did I approve the construction. I don’t like wasting alcohol and I definitely don’t like having the bar comp me a free drink.

Training note : Too many bars allow their bartender to screw around with alcohol and then if the customer didn’t like it, they’ll comp the drink. This is f’n ridiculous, if it was my bar. My bartenders wasting alcohol and reducing profit because they weren’t doing their jobs.

There was a 3 member female team, but it was easy to see that the two other bartender defer to “Pochi” (a shorty with old school gold framed glasses) , the final result was a crisp, cold, dry and flavorful dirty martini to my satisfaction.

In a Top50 bar in the world, it would be expect that all your bartenders are appropriately trained. Whether all your customers don’t or cannot demand high quality because of their alcohol illiteracy is irrevelant when you’re making claims to be a top 50 bar in the world. High end cocktaiI bars as purveyors of experience and alcohol are here to teach drinkers and create customers.

So after 3 times here, I stand by my easy claim, that this bar has zero reasons to be a World Top 50 bar list. It’s just a nice average cocktail bar you would see in any large metropolitan city.