Monday Morning Consultant … Feb 14th, 2011 (Valentines Day Edition)

Generally Valentines Day for consultants is a sucky day … thankfully with our seclusion from the rest of the human race, we generally don’t have to be subjected to the comments and pawing from the rest of the world. 

Consulting Valentines Day sucks for many reasons and it doesn’t matter whether you’re single or have a significant other for the following reasons

• Single consultants have the following reasons to be annoyed on Valentines Day
  • No one will send you flowers, chocolates, a pony or a Mars bar.
  • People won’t even ask you why you’re single, unless the question is layered within the phrase “Can you personalize that Powerpoint deck you’re making with a Valentines Day theme … so that we can appear to be sensitive and manage perception positively”
  • Even single people annoy single people when single … for instance … who are these dumbass girls who use quotes like “Don’t wait for a man to pamper you!”. A man isn’t pampering you for the following reasons … see Tracy McMillan’s article – although it should be renamed to “Why you’re single”
  • Having to spend Valentines Day alone, is as depressing as watching a puppy die. Nothing makes you feel more like that L-word than that.
• Attached/Married consultants have the following reasons to be annoyed on Valentines Day
  • We have to leave early on Monday mornings. Sucks. Period.
  • No romantic dinners to make up points on those days you had to leave early for work.
  • Seeing all your clients who live at home, leave early for Valentines Day dinners.
  • Not being able to go to restaurant, since everyone needs to go out that night. Forget that your lifestyle means that you’re always eating room service or in a restaurant. How dare these peons, who might see a restaurant once in 6 months – take up your valuable eating room and make you wait.
  • We’re told by the clients, how it must suck to leave home on Valentines Day – they’re masters of the obvious I tell you.
  • Being inundated with nothing to watch on cable TV, except crappy Valentine’s Day programming.

Generally, Valentine’s Day sucks. What a bunch of trite trash it is. Everyone runs around frothing, proclaiming their love and pledging their eternal allegiance to one another. It makes me sick. If someone truly cared about you, I think you’d hear it more often than once a year and they wouldn’t present you with some shitty heart shaped cardboard box picked up from Shoppers Drug Mart filled with cheap chocolates made with oils, chemicals and lard and a card picked up for $2.95. I think Valentine’s Day is like some Mea Culpa day – giving a gift will supposedly cover all wrongs and faults in the relationship with one fell swoop, leaving the giver allieved of all sins committed within the past year – if it only it was!!!

Someone made this bullshit day up, and they were being serious about it – to sell a bunch of overpriced flowers, shitty “milk” chocolate confection, cliched Valentines Day card and allergy filled teddy bears.

All that being said … it was still nice to get a card this morning from my roos – simple and to the point.