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Travel blogging is hard … especially when you’re not travelling!

It’s a rainy day here in Toronto. It’s a bit bleak and I’ve been sitting at my computer working away for a couple hours. I haven’t really written anything related to travel for almost 2 months. Of course, that corresponds to the last time I was away on vacation or on a real trip. It’s ironic that going to Montreal or going away for work doesn’t constitute “travel” even though I’m going to be “exploring” Edmonton for the next couple weeks/months – it’s really not the same adrenaline rush as taking off to Antarctica or some super exotic location.

So instead I’m going to start writing about the places that I don’t ever want to go. I think I’m also tired of all those god damn bucket list posts that list headlines like these

– “15.12 places you should visit before you die”
– “50 places to visit before you die”
– “47129 things to try before you die”

I think I officially hate bucket lists and adding the suffix … “…before you die”. I mean what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I want to take a piss before I die … well mission accomplished! You want to punch someone in the nose,before you die … yet another mission accomplished. These bucket list items are dreary, dull and most importantly … they create a state of perpetual life procrastination, like a teacher wanting to do their report cards on time. Never happened; willingly. Personally, I think these bucket lists have completely “jumped the shark

About 2 years ago, I wrote an anti bucket list post, listing the places I wanted to visit, that normal people wouldn’t really want to visit. Well here are a couple places that I have no desire to ever travel to.

1. Ilha de Queimada Grande, aka “Snake Island,” aka the worst tourist destination in the world.
I don’t like snakes, in fact I like them as much as I like spiders … which is not at all. Imagine hearing about an island where the following are facts

– No species of mammals exist on the island.
– The only place in the world where Golden Lancehead snakes can be found.
– Only migratory birds go there and they just serve as snake fodder.
– Golden Lanceheads contain fast acting venom that MELTS the flesh around the bite site with unrivaled speed and efficiency.
– The Brazilian Navy has forbidden anyone from landing on the island … true story
– The golden lancehead is responsible for 90% of all snakebite-related deaths in Brazil.
– Conservative estimates range from the spine tingling one snake per square meter to the “drop dead from pants shitting fear” five snakes per square meter … NUFF SAID!!!

Ok fine … I only have one! It’s a start!

Here are 10 things I will not do again …

1. Go to any place where I’m supposed to take Ecstasy, wear a glow necklace and bounce frantically to seizure-inducing rave “music.” I enjoyed my “youth” … I did stupid shit, I offended enough people (actually I still offend people)
2. Wait in line to return anything that costs less than $10. Seriously!!!
3. Cleaning the house : I have money, we can pay for a weekly cleaner to come in the house and do all the shit I don’t want to do. Fuck cleaning, when my time can be spent scratching my ass and trying to write cool shit. Life’s too short to do things I hate on a regular basis.
4. Reality TV : Watching anything with 12+ kids, Octomom, 15000 pregnancies or Honey Boo Boo. My intestines can’t take it …
5. Use condoms. I’m engaged to be married … I’ve been done with them for a while.
6. Do a shot because someone else demands it.
7. Go to any concert without VIP status. If I want to hear music or enjoy a concert, I want all the trapping of a fantastic time along with meeting the artist. The idea of going to some outdoor venue to shit in a hole or a port-a-potty, is vile beyond belief. It is with this mentality that I say now … I will never go to Burning Man. It’s fucking stupid!
8. Obsess about going to the gym. I’m just going to do it, and never say a thing to anyone.

About Rishiray

Rishi Sankar is a Cloud HRMS Project Manager/ Solution Architect. Over the past 15+ years, he has managed to combine his overwhelming wanderlust with a desire to stay employed, resulting in continuing stints with 3 major consulting firms (IBM, Deloitte, Accenture). He documents his adventures around the world on "Ah Trini Travelogue" with pictures and stories from the road/tuk-tuk/camel/rickshaw. You can follow him on Twitter at @rishiray and on Facebook at "Ah Trini Travelogue . He doesn't like Chicken Curry but loves Curry Chicken and is always trying to find the perfect Trinidadian roti on the road. He also doesn't like cheese and kittens ... and definitely not together. E-mail from his blog is appreciated like a 35 yr old Balvenie at [email protected]

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