What I give a crap about in Japan … and it’s not Sushi …

The Japanese are a remarkable people – they have crazy cartoons and game shows … an actual term for death by overwork (Karōshi) – as if Trinidadians could EVER have a word like that – although we have a word for “the sleep that follows eating a two parathas and 1/2 pound of curry duck”  … see food coma or “itis”

They have Aluminium Coke bottles

They have kids who dress up like Anime Characters … seriously. Every day is Halloween for these kids.

They have awesome transportation and great food everywhere and you can get sushi at Tsukiji at 6.30am, cut fresh from the living fish

But what I miss most about Japan is the damn toilets. I would move to Japan just for the utter luxury of the hands free, automatic wash, rinse and blow drying of your crevasse from these super toilets.

I mean seriously… after reading the product description below, it feels like that the toilet came from Star Trek, Back to the Future and the Jetsons all combined.

Feel Fresh Bidet N’Wash Hygiene System is a State-of-the-art technology now in your bathroom! Feel Fresh bidets are designed to introduce you to a new world of personal comfort and family hygiene. Using the very latest in technology … go see the AD!!

I mean good god almighty … the toilet will come some of these features

  • A pre-warmed seat,
  • Massage options for your ass
  • The lid will open on its own, because of a proximity sensor – no more pissing on the floor in the dark
  • A blow dryer for your pubes
  • A germ-resistant seat for anyone who dares to not wipe your seat
  • Air conditioning for extremely hot days when your crotch sweats
  • Glow-in-the-dark surface – so you wont every fire into the dark
  • Dual water jets with soap mixture – because why should you have to wipe your own ass
  • Music to help you relax – especially after a huge pot of curry duck with plenty pepper sauce
  • The O-Zone deodorant system that eliminates bad smells – so if you ever have to follow someone who took that massive dump … you won’t need a gas mask.

I think if I had one of these at home, I would build my living room around it with a built in rotating magazine rack!  I have ZERO ideas about why these toilets have not taken over our lives. The Japanese have good reason to look down on us … although a country where you can buy a used panty from a vending machine has much to reflect upon.

Want more toilet reading :

Rishi Sankar is a Cloud HRMS Project Manager/ Solution Architect. Over the past 15+ years, he has managed to combine his overwhelming wanderlust with a desire to stay employed, resulting in continuing stints with 3 major consulting firms (IBM, Deloitte, Accenture). He documents his adventures around the world on "Ah Trini Travelogue" with pictures and stories from the road/tuk-tuk/camel/rickshaw. You can follow him on Twitter at @rishiray and on Facebook at "Ah Trini Travelogue . He doesn't like Chicken Curry but loves Curry Chicken and is always trying to find the perfect Trinidadian roti on the road. He also doesn't like cheese and kittens ... and definitely not together. E-mail from his blog is appreciated like a 35 yr old Balvenie at [email protected]